According to the Institute for Civility, civility is claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs, and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process. That’s the short, concise definition.
But wait, isn’t civility mostly about politeness? Civility is about more than just politeness, although politeness is a necessary first step. It is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, understanding biases and personal preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same.
Traditional applications of civility that emphasize manners and behavior over meaningful engagement and shared understanding have led us to a fatal misunderstanding of how to resolve our differences. Forced politeness that conceals authentic human feeling only fosters resentment and drives agendas underground.
At the Institute for Civility, they believe the call to civility is nothing short of a call to our shared humanity where respect, kindness, compassion, and dialogue grow out of a commitment to an ever-deepening understanding of self and others.
I’m talking of the concept of civility today because, sadly AND alarmingly, I see its absence in our public discourse. Like many of our listeners, I have spent my life in the Midwest, where I believe civility has been always been valued. Regardless of what may be going on inside an individual’s heart and mind, we were taught to always be respectful of others, and yes, to be polite. Midwest nice.
At this particular moment in time, what strikes me more and more each day is the lack of civility in our public and political “conversations.” Beyond the contentious presidential election next week here in the U.S., there are wars in the Middle East, eastern Europe, east Africa and many other places. Extreme weather events, such as the recent hurricanes, have caused millions of people in our country to suffer heartbreaking pain and loss. Conspiracy theories surrounding politics, immigrants, weather and much more have divided families and friends, and too often, incited violence. Human rights abuses abound and a general lack of humanity is on full display.
Here in Macomb, where I live, we have seen disturbing actions based on differences of political opinion. Our local newspaper, The Community News Brief, has recently reported thefts of political signs from private property. Social media a few weeks ago shared news of a deer carcass being placed in front of a political sign at an individual home. I’m guessing these kinds of behaviors are occurring throughout the listening region. Nationally, FEMA relocated workers assisting with disaster relief services in North Carolina due to an armed militia reportedly threatening them in the wake of disinformation surrounding FEMA’s recovery efforts. Angry words and hate speech with sometimes violent rhetoric appears to be the norm now, locally, nationally, even globally. As a result, real people suffer real consequences.
So, I ask, where has civility gone? When did it disappear from our personal interactions and government proceedings? Regardless of the outcome of next week’s presidential election, we all still will be here in our communities living amongst each other, with whomever is elected president. Can we not recognize our shared humanity, our differing beliefs and opinions, and treat one another with kindness and respect? I believe the vast majority of you, like myself, were raised to honor the “golden rule” of treating others as you yourself would like to be treated. The world’s major religions share some basic tenets. While each faith has its own answers to questions about humanity and each one has different practices, all major religions teach that human relations should be guided by kindness, selflessness, and decency. The United States is a country predicated on freedom of religion; many religions are represented in this country and these are themes on which they all agree. And if you are not a person of faith, research reports you are the most kind and objective among us. I beg of you, this week and next - and every week that follows, show grace in your dealings with those with whom you disagree. Let us come together and emphasize all the ways in which we are alike, rather than focus on our differences. Let us make our communities warm and inviting, rather than hostile and exclusionary. May we give peace a chance. May we be decent human beings. And if you have not already done so, please be sure to cast your vote.
In the words of Herman Hesse, “To hold our tongues when everyone is gossiping, to smile without hostility at people and institutions, to compensate for the shortage of love in the world with love in small, private matters; to be more faithful in our work, to show greater patience, to forgo the cheap revenge obtainable from mockery and criticism: all these are things we can do.”
Julie Murphy is a retiree who lives in Macomb.
The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of TSPR or its license holder, Western Illinois University.
Diverse viewpoints are welcomed and encouraged.
