I was with my friend Kellie on New Year’s Eve and she said instead of making resolutions she was going to choose a word for the year. We brainstormed and came up with a few intentions – curiosity, hope, openness – and our conversation grew from there.
I shared with Kellie the lessons my dad instilled in me, simple guidelines to live by, wisdom so practical and applicable that no resolutions or word for the year are needed.
I present you with Tom Howard’s 10 Principles for Life.
1. Surround yourself with positive people
A support system is essential so be selective about who you invite into your life and choose positive people. It’s permissible to eliminate friends or situations that are too negative. If you’re in a toxic workplace, have an abusive partner, or have a friend who complains but never does anything to change, move on! Your life will be better for it.
2. It’s okay to tune people out
When I was in 5th grade I got reprimanded and humiliated by my teacher in front of the whole class. My crime, in her eyes, was that I was overly confident. My dad told me I did not need to listen to her, that sometimes you just need to tune people out. While his parental advice may be considered unconventional it helped me to understand that people put others down only to make themselves feel better. Don’t listen to the naysayers, just do your own thing, even if—especially if—it means embracing your self-confidence.
3. It takes 37 fewer muscles to smile than to frown
Long before the positivity movement came along, my dad extolled the virtues of turning a frown upside down. He was a dentist which is why he knew the number of muscles a facial expression takes and when you put it terms that specific it makes it easy to remember. Think of the energy we can conserve by smiling more!
4. Follow your passion but know why it’s important
I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I was determined to figure it out by trying a lot of different things. My dad would support me if I could convince him why what I wanted to do was important to me. The only thing he said no to was ski-jumping camp. I still make a case to myself before pursuing any new venture and it reinforces my determination to go for it.
5. Give to others
My dad improved many people’s lives by fixing their teeth, even those who couldn’t afford it. He was like Mr. Rogers who said, “Life is for service.” This message was reinforced when he said grace at mealtimes with the phrase “Let this food give us strength to give to others.”
6. Eat well, share your feelings, and say thank you
Family dinners provide a foundation for our lives with healthy home-cooked meals and engaging in honest communication around the table. No phones allowed! But before tearing into the food, take a moment to share a heartfelt blessing of gratitude and remembrance of others less fortunate along with thanking the cook, the host, or the person treating. It’s the starting point for making the world a better place.
7. Cocktail Hour is sacred
My dad loved to have a martini every evening before dinner. For him, cocktail hour was holy, a way to honor the day, and way more fun than going to church. Whether it’s a cocktail or something else, rituals are important and help keep us balanced amidst the chaos of the world.
8. Silence is sacred
I didn’t take well to Catholicism, so my dad showed me another way to find God. Silence. This wasn’t about tuning other people out; silence was about tuning yourself out – or tuning in. Meditation is one way to do this, but I’m not good at sitting still. Yet stillness can be found while moving—biking, sailing, or walking in the woods. Nature is the one true religion, the place away from the noise and confusion of daily life where one can breathe deep and feel closest to a higher power.
9. Solitaire is a salve
My dad used to play a lot of Solitaire. For a long time I belittled the game, but I came to appreciate how putting the cards in order gives a sense of order to life. It’s cheaper and works faster than antidepressants!
10. Eat dessert first
My dad would take us kids out for hot fudge sundaes before dinner and made us promise not to tell our mom. She found out anyway and we laughed when she scolded our dad in a teasing way. It was innocent fun that taught us it was okay to bend the rules, to not conform, and most of all, to embrace the little joys in life.
Happy New Year to you all. I hope my dad’s wisdom helps you as much as it helps me.
Beth M. Howard is an author and filmmaker in Donnellson, Iowa. Her website is TheWorldNeedsMorePie.com, and she’s a regular contributor to our Women’s Voices commentary series.
The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Tri States Public Radio or its license holder, Western Illinois University.
Diverse viewpoints are welcomed and encouraged.