For those grieving the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be far from cheery.
“Already people are dreading the holidays. They see the first Christmas tree in a store or advertisement on TV, and it’s crushing,” said Melissa Ruehmer, who facilitates a grief recovery support group in Galesburg.
GriefShare is an international program. First United Methodist Church in Galesburg offers it twice a year, with 13-week sessions that start in January and August.
There’s also a one-time seminar offered the week before Thanksgiving every year to specifically help people who are facing the holidays after the death of a loved one.
“Some want to put up a Christmas tree. For some that’s the last thing they want to do. Some want a holiday meal. Some don’t want to do that anymore,” Ruehmer said. “That’s fine. It’s whatever that person needs.”
Ruehumer told TSPR she’s neither a minister nor a counselor, but rather someone who understands loss.
“I lost my husband in 2012 and I looked for help all over Galesburg,” Ruehmer said. “I could not find something that met my needs. Not that other programs weren’t good. I just needed something else.”
Ruehmer found a GriefShare program in Peoria and went through two 13-week sessions, then started one at First United Methodist in 2014.
She said people can expect a warm and safe environment with GriefShare.
“The hardest part is walking in the door,” she said.
Each two-hour session features discussion, a 30-minute video from GriefShare, and more discussion.
“There’s camaraderie,” Ruehmer said. “There’s somebody in your position. Perhaps you’re the first person of your friends to lose a loved one.”
GriefShare offers practical suggestions and reassurance for getting through the holidays – like having a plan to deal with social obligations.
“Let’s say you get invited to a party and you’re not in a party mood. First of all you can say no, I don’t want to do that this year,” Ruehmer said. “Or you can say, let’s leave a soft yes, so if I’m feeling well that day, I’m happy to come.”
Ruehmer said another suggestion there would be to drive separately, so you’re not left waiting for someone who wants to remain at the party.
“I like that they give you ideas,” Ruehmer said. “They don’t just say, you’re going to be sad. You’re going to be lonely. It’s not going to be the same.”
Ruehmer said whether you’re grieving or dealing with any other problem during the holidays, you still have options.
“You’re in control. That’s what I have learned over the 11 years that my husband has been gone,” Ruehmer said. “There’s no right or wrong. Nobody gets to tell you what to do. Nobody gets to say, it’s been a month, get over it.”
“GriefShare: Surviving the Holidays” will be offered twice on Wednesday, Nov. 15, 2023 -- once at 9 a.m. and once at 5:30 p.m. -- at First United Methodist Church, 120 N. Kellogg St.
Pre-registration is preferred so workbooks will be available for all attendees. The cost of the workbook is $5, but Ruehmer said scholarships are available.
For additional information, or to register, contact the church office at (309)342-3197.
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